I always knew about cyber bullying but hadn’t thought about it too much because of the cliche situation of thinking ‘it would never happen to me’ and I am still not convinced that what I’ve been through is actually this. I know it was some sort of bullying because I’ve been through it previously in my life, but I wasn’t prepared and didn’t know how to deal with cyber bullying.

When I started blogging in 2010 I wrote short stories, because I loved to write. I also did book reviews. I also wrote blogs about my life, holidays and sewing projects. I enjoyed doing it and would get lovely comments from followers from time to time which ultimately gave me a bit of a boost back then as I’d suffered with depression and writing was my therapy.

I automatically set up a social media account when my blog first started to take off. At first I enjoyed it, I found it so much easier posting on there being able to do it all on my phone. I then started to get messages from companies offering help promoting my blog, this was all new to me.

When William came along I started to write about motherhood because my lifestyle had changed, people were enjoying my posts and telling me how funny they were which I loved, because all I ever wanted to do was entertain.

The first message I had was in the spring of 2019, totally unexpected after a post I made on Twitter about my life as a tired mum moaning because William hadn’t stopped that day and I was in bed by seven o’clock.

“You’re a mum who moans about motherhood, not very original! What happened to your old posts the one that were actually interesting to read?”

In hindsight I should’ve taken a screen shot and reported it to Twitter, but instead I let it stew and let it get to me. I deleted the post I’d made, I can’t actually remember why I did that.

It was a few weeks after that I had another comment, on Twitter again.

“Your blog is not that good, how you can call yourself a blogger?”

I stopped posting for a while after this, my confidence completely knocked. I had to sit and really think about what I’d wanted to do, I spoke to a friend and fellow blogger who told me this person was speaking nonsense and to carry on if I enjoyed doing it and just ignore the comments.

I continued with my blog and my social media sites, I was doing the same as what I’d always been doing. Then a few weeks later I had a message from that same person twice via Instagram this time.

“You don’t have many followers, so why don’t you join my group and improve the number of your followers and likes?” I blocked them, after pondering over what to do but they contacted me again as a slightly different username.

“Why did you block me?” This time I reported them to the social media site and blocked them again.

Then under a new account,

“Listen I am here to help you improve you social media, you don’t need to block me. FYI there is a reason you don’t have many followers. Get over yourself.”

I stopped posting for a while, it totally knocked my confidence. Then someone said they were missing my posts so I just did posts on my Facebook page. But every time I put a post up I didn’t get any likes and somehow convinced myself that no one wanted to see anything of mine and that it was all rubbish. By the time we entered lockdown I had started to belittle myself telling myself that I was a failure at everything including my writing and no one was reading it.

Everytime I did a post I would keep going back looking for likes, but I had nothing from even my friends and family. It was really effecting me in every way and I got to a point where someone close to me had said “where’s the old Annabel?” That was when I realised how depressed I had become.

‘It is sad that the internet is as much useful as it is dangerous.’

Taking a break

I can’t exactly remember when it happened, I think I woke up one day and thought ‘actually social media has taken over my life’. It really had, I was constantly on my phone in the evening and it was making me paranoid. I was scrolling through friends and family seeing what they were doing and wondering where I was going wrong, but actually the truth isn’t shown on social media.

I started to limit time spent on my phone, at first I took the apps off completely. I thought it would be easy but I actually struggled, especially in moments when I was waiting for the kettle to boil or sat in my car waiting for William to finish school.

Then one evening I had a message from a friend asking me if everything was ok. She had noticed that I wasn’t on social media, after a lengthly chat with her I then decided to go back on social media but not post anything.

Going back

Then after a couple of weeks I went back to my blog, which after writing a couple of posts made me feel so much better. It was like a diary for me and helped with my mental health, being able to empty my thoughts but in a productive way.

Nowadays I’m more cautious about what I put on social media, a couple of friends said to me that I should be careful what I put on because one day William will probably see it. I totally understand that, but my niche is blogging as an honest mum about parenting. At least this way, I’m honest but more of a general way.

I feel more confident with posting on social media now, and after speaking with fellow bloggers I have discovered that you do need to have a thick skin when posting things that could be taken the wrong way. I also try to keep my business and private separately. I dont think alot of my friends and family understand why I do this and some don’t agree, so I feel more confident doing it this way.

Remembering that people hiding behind their screen are far more vulgar than what they would be if they were talking face to face. That actually if they’re able to make a negative impact on you, the main thing to do is switch off to them because there are more people out there who love and support you.

Resources

Reading Depression in the Digital Age helped me to understand and move forward with using social media for my benefit.

This website is a teen guide but also helped me to understand the role of social media.