Now William is home the paternity leave can commence for Mike, we had decided that he would take it when he was discharged and home with us. This way we could really enjoy the parenting leave together. The sleeping pattern of a baby I thought was erratic but for the first couple of nights he sleeps from midnight to 6 without a feed and my husband and I silently poke him to check that all is ok.  He’s fine, of course he’s fine but he’s testing us, making us feel comfortable before the sleepless nights begin…..

We bought the moses basket off a friend, we knew how expensive they were and going by what other parents had said figured he wouldn’t be in it long.  It is a good job we did because he lasted two nights, we weren’t sure why he didn’t like it but he had made up his mind and the nights were extremely sleepless! It felt like he was constantly waking through the night. It wasn’t until we invested in a wooden crib and Cacoonababy that he was more setted. Obviously the best sleep he had was when he was lying on us, but we also needed a break and rest.

We spent the two weeks of Mikes paternity leave trying to get into a routine, as well as taking William out in his pram getting used to being out and about. I wanted to get in the habit of going out, conscious that I would quite easily slip into bad habits of just not getting dressed and staying in all the time.  We enjoyed visiting family, and we were inundated with visitors which was overwhelming but well received.  William got so many cuddles those first few months of being home, because while he was in hospital we were the only ones that were supposed to hold him (apart from the nurses).  Although I sneakily let my niece from Devon have a cuddle because we didn’t see her very often and didn’t know when she’d be up again to see us.

It was lovely having the time the 3 of us, I loved being able to share the duties.  I knew eventually after those 2 weeks I’d be alone and I was very very nervous, silly really because I’ve got plenty of family and friends around me but most of them were at work Monday to Friday during the day.

When we stayed in I would spend time laying on the floor with him playing with his toys, he had a little rocker that I’d put him in but he preferred being on me so I invested in a baby carrier wrap.

It was great being out and about with him, pushing him around in the pram and him getting fresh air and me getting exercise (I was also comfort eating).  The fun bit was when I would need to feed him, it was a challenge for us as he had colic so always had trouble bringing up wind.

The christmas period was quite quiet, however the whole family went over to my parents and they cooked dinner and we all took turns with holding him while we ate our dinner. Mum still had the obligatory Christmas decorative outfits and accessories that were becoming an annual thing.

I was feeling so tired, but William had started to sleep 4 or 5 hours a time so in theory I shouldn’t have been that tired.  I remember everyone saying ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ but it never happened in the day, I just couldn’t do it.  Then one particular day he was asleep in the cot alongside of me and I fell asleep on the bed for 3 hours and you would think I woke up refreshed but I woke up feeling worse so I found it easier to just keep myself busy in between whether it be housework or reading.  I found it hard to write in this time, but I’d hoped one day I would make up for it!

We were still feeling so lucky to have him after those weeks at home while he was in hospital, it felt nice when he was home but very very overwhelming.  It was making me stronger though, not weaker which is normally my response to stressful situations.

I never realised how overwhelming it was being a mum, but I felt the need to try and change it into a good thing.