If someone had told me 2 months ago when I was pregnant that I would be having my baby delivered by an emergency cesarean I probably would be shocked. Although I would’ve probably had the same reaction if someone had told me last year that I would be having a baby.

The anaesthetist has made marks in my back ready for the needle to go in. I absolutely hate needles but this is a necessity and that thought keeps me going.  I look at Mike and he’s sat on the chair in front me. He’s in his blue scrubs and all I can do is laugh, but it’s not funny. I’m hysterical at this whole situation, Mike sat in scrubs waiting for me to undergo an emergency c-section.  Mike looks at me smiling telling me I’m warped, but I can see he’s scarred. I can feel the anaesthetic starting to kick in, I start to feel numb. I can just about still hold a conversation so I look at Mike and tell him I shall need a Tiffany bracelet. He smiles and says you can have what you want after going through this.

As the bottom half of my body loses feeling I feel like I’m falling asleep and it feels very strange.  Mike is then by my side holding my hand, I’m relatively calm until they start to take my baby out.  They told me it would be a strange sensation, like someone is washing up inside my stomach. Which is slightly true I feel a few tugs of something being removed. I suddenly start feeling hysterical. I’m not in pain but it feels like a part of me has been taken away, like a leg or an arm.  Mike tells them to stop because he’s worried that I’m hurting. I manage to tell him that it doesn’t hurt and to carry on and make sure our baby is ok.

He’s out of my body so I tell Mike to go check that he’s ok. I know he doesn’t want to leave my side.I lie and tell him that I am ok. I want to know our baby is ok.  He disappears and as he goes the anaesthetist tells me that the baby is long. He also says that he obviously didn’t get it from his mummy.  He’s learnt my sense of humour already which makes me happy. I’ve only been with the guy for about 20 minutes whilst laying on an operating table.  I try to smile and he puts his hand on my shoulder to reassure me that everything is ok.

Mike seems to be gone forever but it’s only for a few moments. He returns and reassures me that our little baby boy is fine. He explains that they’ve got got a plastic bag around him and a woolly hat to keep him warm. I can’t see the picture he shows me but he describes him.  I then smile and relax, he’s ok so I drift off to sleep.

They take me back to the labour ward and leave me there to sleep. I’m not sure how long I’m asleep for but when I wake I feel like something has hit me.  It’s now late Monday morning and Mike is with me, I can’t move still and I’m exhausted. I don’t have the energy to move let alone eat a sandwich they’ve given me.  Telling myself I need the strength to move I manage to sit up and eat. I felt like the longest time I’ve ever spent eating anything.

I fall asleep again, still feeling drained.  The family have been in; my parents, my brother and his girlfriend and Mikes parents.  I have told them to go see him, yet I’ve not seen him.  I’m apprehensive about going to see him. Part of me feels guilty that he’s had to go through the stress of being taken out so early. I hope that he’s ok and forgives me for taking so long to be there for him.

As soon as I see him I well up with tears, he is tiny.  He is two and half pound. This istotally understandable being born at 28 weeks but I didn’t realise how small he would be.  He’s waving his arms and legs about like he’s fighting trying to relieve himself of the tubes. I almost laugh because I can see how frustrated he is. He isprobably wondering what the hell is going on after being somewhere cozy and warm. But now laying with stuff pipes and cables attached to him.

Mike and I look at each other;
“William?”  I suggest, Mike smiles back and puts his arm around my shoulders nodding and smiling.
“Perfect.”