Saying no can be an art form that sometimes isn’t easy when you need to decline something from a friend, family member, colleague and sometimes a stranger.  It is important to be able to say no in the correct way. Saying no can be difficult for many people, because we don’t like to disappoint or upset others, but learning the art of saying no can be a valuable skill to have in both your personal and professional life.

It’s okay to say no

Many people feel guilty or selfish for declining a request, but it’s important to remember that you have the right to say no. You have the right to protect your time, energy and your boundaries. Saying yes to every request can lead to negative impacts such as burnout, stress and resentment so it’s really important to learn how to say no when necessary.

It’s important to consider the tone and delivery of your response when saying no. You want to be firm, but also respectful and kind. Try to avoid sounding harsh, rude or dismissive as this will probably come across as rude or unprofessional. Instead, use a calm and confident tone to communicate your response to them.

When saying no it’s important to be clear and concise. Avoid making excuses or apologising excessively. Simply state your reasons for declining the request and be firm in your response. For example, if a friend asks you to help them on a day when you already have plans, you can say something like, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you on Saturday. I already have plans for that day.” You don’t need to provide a detailed explanation or apologise excessively for not being able to help.

Another option?

Another important aspect of saying no is to offer an alternative, if possible. This can help show that you still value the relationship and that you are willing to help in other ways. For example if a colleague asks you to take on a project that you don’t have time for. You can say something like, “I’m so sorry, I am unable to take on that project right now. However, I can recommend someone else that could do it.”

In some cases, saying no can be particularly difficult, such as when declining a request from a boss or someone in a position of authority. In these situations, it’s important to be respectful, but also firm in your response. Be open and explain your reasons for declining the request and offer an alternative if possible. For example, if your boss asks you to work overtime on a weekend, you can say something like, “I’m sorry I can’t work overtime this weekend. However, I can come in early next week to catch up on any missed work.”

Emotional support

It can be quite draining to be that person that never says no, if you’re saying yes all the time then it can really take a toll on your mental health. Even if you do accept requests on a regular basis, take the time to really think about it before you respond. Do you really have to do this? Obviously in your professional life it can be more difficult to say no. However in your personal life, it is worth stopping and wondering if you really can do this. Would the person you’re doing this for do the same for you? Is this someone that has been supportive to you in the past? What are they asking from you? Is this something small that won’t take much of your time, or will you be missing out on important family/relaxation time if you do it?

It’s not the end of the world

You should also remember that saying no doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. It is possible to decline a request and still maintain a positive relationship with that person. By being respectful and offering an alternative you can show that you still value the relationship and are willing to help in other ways. Giving that friend a different date when you can help, or booking in a coffee with them to help them organise something else.

By recognising the following you can be confident that you have mastered the art of saying no;

• Remembering that it’s okay to say no.
• Being clear and concise in your response and making sure you have the right tone.
• Offering an alternative if and when possible.
• Remembering that saying no doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship.