Within a few years some children can become quite independent. Then there are other children that don’t become independent until they’re in senior school. Each child is different. There have been comparisons discussed with friends and family around me whether being an only child makes a difference. I believe there is a difference, but some have disagreed with me. However, I am an advocate for all children being different. Until recently I have managed to keep my emotions from showing in front of my son. But now as he’s becoming more and more independent, I now wonder like a lot of parents how to parent independent children when you’re not ready.

It didn’t matter how many books I read when I was pregnant, nothing prepared me for parenting. They just inform you of the practical things, the age to start weening and the age when they should start potty training. They tell you about the average age when they start walking, and when they start to say their first words. What they didn’t say was what an emotional roller coaster it would be. There is no book to say what the best parenting style is, because that may not work for your child.

The memories

It seems like a distant memory, thinking about them when they were babies. I still don’t know how I’ve managed it but I’ve been keeping a diary all this time, I set up an email address for him and emailed on a regular basis with snippets of memorable events. I regularly go back to reading this and looking at photos and videos of him when he started walking and talking.

You will find yourself (even more so as a parent of an only child) thinking back to when they were a baby, but that is normal. You miss them as a younger child, because you know you won’t be going through this again. Everyone says enjoy their childhood even whilst they’re still dependant on you, you may nod and smile but you still may crave time to yourself.

Becoming independent

If you have the luxury of having grandparents that can help with childcare, then take it. If you are lucky enough to have friends and family that have offered to babysit accept the offer. Having time to yourself as well as a couple can help with both mental health and prepare you how to parent children that become independent when you’re not ready.

Many children with siblings become independent at an early age, but with single children it can sometimes take a little longer. Some even take a few more years. It is hard when they are and it’s hard when they’re not. If you’re a parent of one that isn’t yet independent then I can hear you cry ‘I want them to be more independent.’ If you’re a parent of one that already is you may be saying, ‘I miss spending play time with them, they’re growing up too fast!’ It can be quite an emotional struggle.

When a child becomes more independent it is one of the most memorable times for a parent, particular a mother (hormones and all that.) At first it’s great to have your own space. Having the ability to make a drink and sit and just drink it. Knowing that you can cook a dinner without being disturbed by a child, no worry of ruining the dinner.

Parenting that independent child

Then the reality sinks in and the novelty wares off, the bit that most parents aren’t prepared for. The chance to take up a hobby? Could this be time you can now spend making the house spotless again? Not quite yet. This is when you need to sit back and watch in amazement how this baby has become so grown up. You have created this amazing child. Watch them as they grow, share memories with them while you can.

If your independent child is now finding their way you should be allowing yourself to find yours. You may find that catching up on rest, reading or listening to music can be an advantage. If you’re not the type to rest, keeping yourself occupied may be your first priority. If you work then you may find it easier to throw yourself into your work. This is fine as a temporary measure, if you really love what you do. However it would be more productive if you took up a new hobby, something you love. Some have even decided to take on a new challenge like start a new business, a way of introducing being independent. Whatever you do make it something that you enjoy. Start with little steps rather than spending all your time on it because our children will still need us from time to time.

Healthy relationships

Keeping things consistent when you know what makes your relationships with your family work well. If having a day together as a family once a week, fortnight or month then keep it in your routine. If working together as a team works well for you all then continue to do so. Those habits you’ve had all this time that you’re all used to, stick with them. Having that time together as parents with those independent children helps.

Your children will always be your babies, we all know that. But by being independent yourself you are helping and supporting the whole family.