This morning whilst waiting to drop off William at preschool I was having a chat with another mum, nothing in particular. Her son is quite chatty and curious (like children normally are!) asking me what car I drove and where it was parked. It’s early in the morning, too many questions it was quarter past eight in the morning but luckily I’d had my caffeine fix!
His mum and I were talking and in the conversation she said “yeah I expect everyone thinks the riffraff has arrived when we turn up.” Her and her family don’t shout out riffraff to me, if I’m honest here I am in bloody awe that she can cope with three children! Yes three children under the age of 8, you know what I’m thinking don’t you?
I couldn’t help thinking though, why would she think that? What has she seen or heard to lead her to believe that she’s ‘riffraff’. I don’t like that word, it’s a stupid word anyway. She’s not anything close to riffraff; she lives in a ‘nice area’ by choice, the family are workers, she drives a nice car, she wears nice clothes (no leggings or any mid-drift exposed) and she’s polite and friendly! So no, she’s not even close to riffraff.
It led me to thinking though, there must be so many people (I’m not going to say just women because men have feelings too) have this distortion that if you feel or act a certain way that you look it. I get days when I feel rough, I’m grumpy and sometimes even stroppy (I have to be really down, because humour is normally my way of coping). I try and make an effort with my appearance (not that it looks like it) but it makes me feel better more than anything.
I’m not sure if we should or shouldn’t be worried about what people think, do you care? I used to care all the time, but now not so much. I think motherhood makes women more perceptible and to these feelings and too sensitive (damn hormones) and this does result sometimes in us being withdrawn, low and depressed (I have been there).
From previous posts you can tell my attitude towards motherhood, everything is now taken with a pinch of salt. I used to want other mum friends but after being on the receiving end of an awkward friendship with another mum, nowadays my attitude to other mums a little bit more relaxed. To be fair, I’m not sure I’d be as popular as William with my opinions. I’m not an instamum yummy mummy BUT I’m not a lazy mum either, but how the hell any mum can be lazy is beyond me!!
I would love to be able to say that one hundred percent sure that I don’t care what other people think of me, there is probably about thirty-ish percent I do. Not because of my lifestyle, but because of my appearance. I have been out and heard other people (not to me) say “Wow I bet she eats lots of fatty foods” or “she looks like she’s ate all the pies.” Just for the record I’m not that fussed on pies (unless they’re my mums home made pies of course) and could go without fats in my life. I get quite defensive about this, I want to say “don’t judge” to people but I can’t bring myself to (see I come across confident, but actually I’m not.)
So, to clarify, not everyone is judgemental. I’m sure that most people aren’t judgemental at all. They may be worried about you think or they may be envious or in awe of you. I totally went through this when I was trying for a baby, every time I saw a mum with more than a couple of children I used to get so upset ‘why does she get two or more when I can’t even get one’ I would think.
So what I’m saying is, if you think you’re being judged please don’t. Just lift your chin and think to yourself that this is your life and this is how you want to live it and please do not care about what others think. I am guilty of assuming what I know other people think, but do you know what? They’re not my friends and family and that is who I care about, not the random person who thinks that they know me.