Nothing prepares you for parenting which is a shame, how has no one written a book about the truths of parenting? How children can drive you insanely angry one minute and in tears the next. Well actually many have written books, blogs and recorded podcasts. But the one thing you really do need when you’re a parent is a sense of humour.

I thought I was ready for this part of my life, and only now I feel that I actually could be ready and William is five years old. I’ve been surrounded by children my whole life, both my elder brothers now have adult children. My best friend has children both now both adults. I have friends that have children, and I feel that they have all turned into responsible and caring youngsters. So in my head I know what to do, right?

I’ve been working on a new book and recently told my mum, her face looked so worried.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“This new book you’re writing, is it about parenting?” I have never laughed so much in my life.

Don’t get me wrong I will write in my blog about parenting, and share tips and entertain to help other parents going through similar things but I could never write a book about it. I mean, what would it read?

We have all been there

It doesn’t matter how many times you say it to yourself, you will still feel like you’re the only parent that has cried in the car, toilet or shower. When they’re a baby you think it’s hard work then, until one day a fellow mum says those fatal words it gets worse. Or you see a post on Instagram that feels like it has been written about you or for you.

Don’t forget our parents have been through this, I am always asking my mum questions about what I did when I was younger. William at the moment is going through the ‘I-can’t-believe-you-said-that’ phase. By this I mean the various moments when I literally have to write it down somewhere, because this will be told to him again at some point in his adult life. When I tell my parents these stories they laugh, then when I ask them if they ever had that from me or my brothers they laugh even more.

They know too much

I don’t know about other children but I feel that somedays I wonder if he knows too much? It was funny at first but now when he says things I wonder if I want him to know so much. Every day stuff like “Mummy what does retirement mean?” Then after explaining the cycle and getting to retirement, he tells me that retirement sounds fun and that’s what he wants to do. Funnily enough William it sounds attractive to me too!

There was an incident a few months ago we were over at my parents and my mum was spelling out chocolate to me, asking if it was ok to give him some. See this is why I love my mum because she asks first! I couldn’t hear her properly because I was the other side of the room and William was sat on my lap being noisy. For a change.

“Sorry mum I couldn’t hear you!”

“Mummy, grandma wants to know if I can have some chocolate!” I am stunned and my mum tries not to laugh, so my mum also knows how to parent with a sense of humour!

Rocket Science

At least with rocket science you can try and understand it, but parenting is another story. It’s very intense work. Working out why one night they sleep twelve hours and the next night only nine, did they eat the same both days? Were they more active on that day, what did they do? I was taking William to the beach some days or a walk around the block thinking it would mean he would get a good nights sleep.

It did not make any difference.

Even what they ate, one day he can just go non-stop eating and then the next he hardly eats. Then I worry, I think there’s something wrong because he’s left food in the house, maybe he’s even coming down with something.

One of the things I learnt is don’t ever make food an issue because he will use it and do you know what? He bloody well did! If he doesn’t eat all his dinner you can guarantee that my husband will say; “come on William eat your dinner up.” He also gets a; “well done!” from him when he eats the whole meal. Don’t do that, it’s the worst thing to do. Why? Because now he has control of us, and it’s like a debt; long and painful and you feel like you’re never going to get to the end of it. If he eats all his dinner and I have to say something it’s normally, “wow you were hungry today!”

My thing is not to worry even if I am. What I’m trying to say is, I can worry, but I don’t let William see that.

Another thing I’ve come to realise that works is reverse psychology, however I feel that he’s starting to cotton on to this so I need to tread carefully.

We know he is more than capable of doing a lot of things, but he’s become lazy. When I’ve asked him to get undressed for a bath he says he can’t, but what he actually means is why should I undress myself when I’ve got you to do it.

To be fair he does have a point (if that is what he is actually thinking). I will end up doing it for him, because I don’t have time to wait for him to mess about and his water will probably get cold if he takes too long. And he will complain about the temperature of the water.

Take control

It’s very easy for me to sit here and write that having the upper hand and control is the most important thing in this, but it is not easy to even get to that stage. I am only now on certain days realising that I can actually take control of the situation, and this is a huge strain on my mental health issues. Talking to other parents, however has given me the confidence to realise that I do need to and I am capable of taking control.

We all know that not all children needs this type of parenting.

In fact, I really dislike the labels of parenting and think that all parents should do as we choose. At the end of the day we are the parent, and we make the decision. We just need the extra support and a sense of humour!

Just don’t let the children make the decision because we all know how that turns out!

YES DAY