If someone had told me 2 years ago when I was happily pregnant that I would be having a cesarean in just under 6 months I would’ve laughed my head off. Although at that time if someone had told me 2 years previous to that that I would be pregnant in 2 years I probably would’ve had the same reaction! (Sorry I hope I’ve not confused you already, it’s not all like this I promise!)
The anaesthetist has made marks in my back ready for the needle to go in, yes needle, I hate needles but this isn’t a choice it’s a necessity and that thought keeps me going. I look over at Mike and he’s sat on the chair in front me in his blue scrubs and all I can do is laugh, I’m laughing at the the whole situation, Mike sat in scrubs waiting for me to undergo an emergency c-section. Mike looks at me smiling telling me I’m warped, but I can see he’s scarred shitless but I’m trying not to think about that, besides by this point I feel like I’m flying through the room on anaesthetic. I can still hold a conversation, so I look at Mike and tell him I shall need a Tiffany bracelet after all this, he smiles and says you can have what you want after going through this.
As the bottom half of my body loses feeling I close my eyes, I’m awake but I’m not asleep and it feels very strange. Mike is then by my side holding my hand, I’m relatively calm until they start to take my baby out. I don’t know if you normally feel it, but I do feel the tugging and I swear it was his foot or something the way it moved. I started to suddenly feel hysterical, I’m not in any pain but it’s like a part of me has been taken away, like something that I need like a leg or an arm. Mike tells them to stop, worrying that I’m in pain but I manage to tell him that I’m not in physical pain and to do what they need to do.
(Picture of child washing up, because apparently that’s what a cesarean feels like!)
He’s out of my body, I tell Mike to go check that he’s ok but he doesn’t want to leave my side so I have to tell him again that I’m ok and to check our baby is fine. He disappears and as he goes, a different anaesthetist who has been with me every step so far smiles and tells me that the baby is long and that he obviously didn’t get it from his mummy. He’s learnt my sense of humour already and I’ve only been with the guy for about 20 minutes laying on an operating table. I try to smile, and he puts his hand on my shoulder to reassure me that it’s all ok.
Mike seems to be gone forever, but he’s only gone for a few minutes and he reassures me that our little baby boy is fine.
He tells me that they’ve got got a plastic bag over him and a woolly hat to keep him warm, I can’t see the picture but he describes him. I then smile and relax, he’s ok and I can breathe now.
They take me back to the labour ward where I was before I went in and left there to sleep, I’m not sure how long I sleep for but when I wake I feel like someone has hit me with a lorry. It’s now late Sunday morning and Mike is with me, I can’t move still and I’m exhausted and I don’t have the energy to move let alone eat a sandwich they’ve given me. But after telling myself I need the strength to move to see my little boy I manage to eat it, and it’s the longest time I’ve ever spent eating anything.
I fall asleep again, still feeling drained. The family have been in; my parents, my brother and his girlfriend and Mikes parents. I have told them to go see him, yet I’ve not yet been in. I’m a bit apprehensive about going to see him, I hope that he’s ok and forgives me for taking so long to be there for him.
As soon as I see him I well up with tears, he’s tiny. He is two and half pound, but that’s understandable being born at 28 weeks but I didn’t realise how small he would be. He’s waving his arms and legs about like he’s fighting all the tubes, I almost laugh because I can feel how frustrated he is and probably wondering what the hell is going on after being somewhere cozy now laying with stuff attached to him.
Mike and I look at each other;
“William?” I suggest, Mike smiles back and puts his arm around my shoulders nodding and smiling.