Good housekeeping?? Nah, common sense!

How do you get burn marks out of your favourite top?

How do you get white gloss off your hands?

And how on earth can you get red wine out of the carpet??clumsy1No?  You don’t know???  Well let me enlighten you as this blog will be the answer to your prayers!

Firstly, how on earth did you manage to burn your favourite andrew-cooper-diet-coke-guytop??  Did you go out again when that pissed dude from your office was out having a fag?  Or did you not roll up your sleeves when you were heating up your baked beans on the hob or worse still did you forget the iron was on it when the diet coke advert come on??  (Ok I’ll let you off if it was that)

Well that was silly, what you need to do is, either cut the sleeves off and make it short sleeved, or you could get yourself an extra large badge reading ‘clumsy as hell, stay away!’  In hindsight, if you think you’re likely to end up burning something by going out I think that it’s probably best if you don’t go out in your favourite outfit.  In the days before iPhones (and if you don’t remember then ask your folks) I had two mobile phones which was a c89b7b031f9c8d9c177a9503c087b6a3huge deal to me and a few of my other friends.  My second phone would be the one that goes out with me on nights out, it was a very very old Nokia and I would swap over the SIM before I went out because in those days it wasn’t fashionable to take out a handbag.  The ‘in’ thing was to carry everything in your pockets (I would LIVE in jeans!) and although my lipstick would melt I didn’t seem to care by the end of the night.  Needless to say my phone had fallen down the toilet a few times and been dropped and trampled on in night clubs.

But seriously, go get yourself a replacement top and throw it away and NEVER wear it out and concentrate when you’re ironing, it’s probably best if you don’t iron or don’t watch television when you’re doing it.

Most people have decorated, am I right?  Unless you’ve got enough money to pay someone to do it for you (you lucky thing), or you have a partner that insists on doing it all because you’re cutting in skills are not up to scratch (not me).  Well when you’ve undercoated and glossed the woodwork, you always get a bit of paint on your hands and I even get itpaint-on-hands-4ffafe814fa4b in my hair (I have no idea!).  Best way to get rid of it apparently is nail varnish remover, but before you leave you might want to think about this.  Now if you leave the paint on your hands (or wherever it is), it will come off eventually but it is a bit of a talking point…yes?  If you see someone with paint on their hands, your first reaction would be “Ooooh you’re decorating, what room are you doing?”  And there it is, your friends and family would know that as well as doing your day to day job you’re also putting time in at home decorating.  They would realise you’re working hard and say “I’ll make you a cuppa/do your shopping/babysit the kids so you can have a sit down working hard and decorating.” and it would be a talking point for them also, for example if it’s parents they can say “My James/Gemma has been working hard decorating their flat/house/cardboard box as well as going to work!”  Which also makes you look good!!

I would like to say at this point, that I have never got wine in my carpet (kiss of death) although I do have a dark coloured carpet for a very good reason.  A few years ago my folks came over for dinner (they come round more often, really they do) but we have a cream rug in red-wine-spill-orig_master_1our conservatory and my dad (wait for it!) managed to not just get red wine on that, but all down the window and even on the poor dog (she’s a west highland terrier, white fur so yes it blatantly showed).  But come on, if you spill wine don’t they say white wine to get it out?  Didn’t work for me!  And anyway, if you’re spilling wine you should stop and know your limit and if you have to have a drink, then have vodka!  Not only is it clear which doesn’t mark, it also doesn’t make you smell like a piss head 😉

I’m sorry you didn’t get the tips/advice you may have hoped for, but I hope I’ve given you a laugh….wellllllll it is Friday!